So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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