Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Two words: blizzard sex
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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