Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
