Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
