clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
