Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
