dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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