i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
