Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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