im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
