Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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