Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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