I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
