Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
