Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
