I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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