i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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