she looked like the before picture.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
