she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
