i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You are a genius and a whore.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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