He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
