suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
