I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
