I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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