I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
