If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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