I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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