So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
