On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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