it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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