if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
