'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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