I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my being single is dangerous.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
