mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
