Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
