I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
