Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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