I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
