I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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