I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
