Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
