Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
