He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Randomize
