I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
