be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
