You really coming over, don't trick.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I love you.
Bad choice
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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