last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
