All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
