im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
