The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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