You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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