Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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