Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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