He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
